Dad Bros

My youngest was sick last week. He had a fever, runny nose and a cough so violent that it caused more than a couple of meal returns. I felt bad for the little guy. Still, nursing a sick child back to health can be rewarding.

First of all, there’s the quiet. Everyone in my house is loud and the little one is no exception. The difference between him and everyone else is the ear piercing octaves his screeching can reach. When he’s not feeling well, my ears get a break as he tends to whisper as if we’re snipers trying to not blow our cover. It’s so peaceful.

When my kids are sick, they are super cuddly. They don’t feel good and just want to be close to their parents. We get lots of hugs, rocking and even those naps where they fall asleep on your chest and your not allowed to move.

Speaking of naps, there’s also the possibility of extra naps. Pretty much every parent understands just how awesome nap time can be. Some of us use this opportunity to get something done, mentally prepare for the second half of the day or even take a nap of our very own. An extra nap is like a gift from God.

A sick day is a guilt free lazy day. I’m not going to lie. There are some days where the best of intentions wind up being a day inside doing absolutely nothing. A sick day is a free pass to sit around doing what George Constanza would do if society would allow.

Probably the best part of spending time with a sick kid is just feeling needed. Seeing your kids grow up and become more independent is a huge part of being a parent. You should feel good every time your child is able to do something without your help. Still, it’s nice to take a few steps back for a day or two and do things for the kids that they can do for themselves. When they’re sick, you can do that with out worrying that your attentiveness is going to become an expected everyday occurrence.

I’m  glad the little guy feels better and is back to running around like always with an energy that makes me envious and irritated. It was nice however, to get in some extra hugs and watch some cartoons together.

Well, friends, Halloween has come and gone this year. While the kids had a great time and scored lots of candy, I can’t help but feel like a total failure as a parent. I’m almost too embarrassed to admit this but…not one of my boys wanted to be a princess this year. I know, I’m horrible, but it isn’t as if I didn’t try.

I went to my first born first, because I thought he would be the most socially aware and most understanding of the modern world. I showed him dress after dress, assuring him I’d be totally cool if he wanted to be Belle or Rapunzel or better yet Tiana.  He just acted annoyed and insisted that he wanted to be Kylo Ren from the new Star Wars movie. I couldn’t believe how closed-minded this kid was being. He almost cried about it. How does he know Kylo Ren is even a good character? The movie isn’t even out yet!

My middle son was next to choose and he wanted to be a Stormtrooper. I was almost immediately deflated until I realized there was a glimmer of hope!

“Great! You can be Captain Phasma! She’s totally cool because she’s a challenge to patriarchal society’s social constructs of gender identity. I bet she even gets paid the same as her male counterparts.”

You know what this kid said?

“No, I’m a boy Stormtrooper.”

The youngest was my last hope. I showed him tiaras and butterfly wings but he wasn’t even a little curious. He wanted to be a shark. Apparently wise to my attempts to steer him into being able to fully express who he is on the inside, he insisted his costume was a boy shark.

Don’t these little…don’t they understand that I want high fives from other cool dads? Don’t they get that if none of them want to be a girl, I won’t have the chance to have Gawker and Huffington Post write articles about me that go viral because I’m so totally awesome? No! They don’t care. They just want to do the stereotypical boy thing, my feelings be damned!

What did I do wrong to have such stubborn cisgendered boys? How did I fail so terribly as a dad? I’m sorry internet; I’m not the best father ever.

On some things, I have a tremendous amount self-control. When it comes to wasting time on my smartphone, I am weak. I am disappointed in myself and am sad to say. it has come to this.

What you see is a device called Kitchen Safe. It is a time locking container that is designed to keep those oh-so-tempting things away from us for a designated period of time.

All you do is put the offending item in the container, spin the dial until you reach the proper amount of time you need away from it (anywhere from minutes to days) and press the dial down. The timer gives you five seconds to change your mind before locking your addiction away until your time is up. Once the Kitchen Safe is locked, there is no opening it. You must wait it out, so make sure you are ready to commit to the time you’ve entered before you press the button.

What if I get a text or a phone call I need? I make sure my Apple Watch is charged and ready to tackle the job. That or I just wait because, let’s be honest, that kind of thinking is part of the problem.

If you want to give yourself or your family a time out from cookies, candy or remote controls, this item great option. The container isn’t huge, but it is perfect for many jobs of keep away. For my phone, I did need to make the slight modification of drilling a hole into the tub in order to snake a charging cable through.

So far, I must say it has been a very effective tool. I’m not proud that it is needed, but I’m getting a lot more done with my iPhone locked away. This blog, for example…

This morning, one of my kids woke up a bit earlier than necessary, wandered into our room and cuddle up next to me in bed. I don’t have issue with this because I enjoy the closeness, and I also convince myself that if I allow the child to lay in our bed, somehow it might actually allow me to sleep just a bit longer. This assumption is of course wrong.

Everything starts off fairly nice. The little one lays there quietly and I start to drift back to sleep. Wouldn’t you know though, that kid just isn’t comfortable and has to start fidgeting. First there’s a little adjustment, maybe turning their head the other way. Then a bigger move is needed. Maybe the leg needs to be repositioned.

This is a slow game. Several minutes may go by between adjustments allowing me to drift closer to sleep, teasing me, but before long, the child is flopping like a fish on the deck of a boat. I must concede defeat, get out of bed and start the day.

This gave me an idea for a new alarm clock that works in a similar fashion. I believe consumer animatronic technology is to the point where we can create some sort of cuddly teddybear that will wake you up gently and naturally. You just tell it what time you want to wake, then an hour before you have to get up, the bear will start to nudge and jostle you ever so slightly. Gradually the movement will increase. As the time to rise nears, you will have a stuffed animal breakdancing in your bed.

Good morning! Your day has started, just like a Dad.

October is National Bullying Awareness Month and this week, the Dad Bros Show will be addressing the topic of bullying. We spent several hours with a forensic psychologist friend, Dr. George. He takes a different approach to the topic, provides quite a lot of information that we actually haven’t heard before and offers some great suggestions on what we as parents can do if our children are dealing with bullies.

Because we believe the information is valuable and unique, we’d like to ask that you please share the next two episodes with friends.

Bullying is a problem, but it is also an opportunity to help your children and your family grow stronger.

If you’ve been listening to the show the last several months,  you’re well aware that this past weekend the Dad Bros Show did a live broadcast from the National at-Home-Dad Network’s 20th Annual Convention. We’re happy to report that everything went far better than we ever could’ve imagined. The men in attendance are great bunch of people that were all there to learn from and support one another.

The record button was pressed around 10am and finally stopped at 4:30pm. When had planned on having games and trivia contests for the guys during the down time, but thanks to Greg Washington, the Network’s social media manager and now Vice-President, acting as our booker for the day, we had a constant flow of guests and never had a chance to do anything we’d prepared. Despite talking to so many Dads for over 5 hours, we only met a small fraction of the men in attendance.

Over the next few weeks, we will be sorting through the interviews and inserting them into the podcast. We hope you get something helpful from them. If you are an at-home-dad, we would highly encourage you to check out athomedad.org and connect with other guys in your area or even start up your own group.

The Dad Bros Show would like to thank all of the Dads that were there for being so very supportive of each other and our show. We’d like to especially thank James Kline, Vice-President and co–organizer for the Triangle SAHD group in Raleigh, NC, for all of his support and help in getting the Dad Bros Show to be a part of this awesome event.

Due to some scheduled events that will require time away from the studio, we’ve been recording multiple shows a night for the past several days and it has been rough to say the least. The actual content part isn’t so bad, but due to fact that we do the show when the kids go to bed, we’ve had some very late nights.

Regardless of how late I go to sleep, the kids have to get up and get ready for school. Unfortunately, the school can take up to an hour to get to due to traffic, so we need to get up much earlier than should be necessary. Is four and a half hours of sleep enough? Not for me. Thankfully, I’ve been granted a nap here and there, but it’s just not the same.

Over the years, I’ve envied many types of people. The ones I seem to be most in awe of right now are those that have hectic lives coupled with the bizarre ability to not need to visit the land of dreams.

The rumor is UFC president Dana white only sleeps a few hours each night. A while back I remember reading an article that went over the schedules of WWE’s Triple H and Stephanie McMahon and I couldn’t believe it. They get up crazy early, spend time with the kids, go to work at headquarters, travel to venues perform on TV and squeeze in two workouts and deal with emails. According to their trainer, 1-2 hours of sleep is all they’re getting on a typical night. How is that possible?

If you happen to notice us sounding a little punchy in some upcoming shows, now you’ll know why. No hallucinations have been spotted yet, but they’re probably not far off.

In case you thought Josh was kidding on Episode 36 – SUN SHINES AGAIN when it comes to gender neutral pronouns being a thing, the University of Tennessee in Knoxville is nudging the campus into using ze, xe, hir, hirs and zirs. That’s right, a real college is asking students and faculty to refer to others by words that I had to type multiple times because autocorrect thought I was just mashing keys.

It’s probably a good idea to familiarize yourself now, because as this stuff spreads and takes root in colleges, it’ll only be a matter of time before those students graduate and begin teaching grade school, middle school and high school. That’s when the real fun begins.

“Dad, can HummingBird come hang out after school?”
“Is this ‘HummingBird’ person a he or a she?”
“Xe’s a xe, Dad. Gah, you don’t get anything, do you?”

Perhaps one day, your child will come home having learned about Pat. “Dad, did you ever watch that show?” you’ll be asked.  How will you defend yourself to your kids when they want to know why you laughed at cruel mocking of the gender neutral?

Easy. Nobody really thought that the character was that funny.

“What, gender neutral people can’t be funny?”